So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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