I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
