I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
