You just made me feel so damn special
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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