the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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