i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
