He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
