I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
