Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
