Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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