I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
