he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
