Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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