shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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