Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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