Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
