I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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