so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
