as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
