That's when you crack a 10am beer
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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