Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
