It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize