My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
