Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
