Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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