So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
