She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
