Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i think i just lost a toe
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
