Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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