Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
