the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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