I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
