Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
