i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
