id be glad to
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
