my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
