sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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