i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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