the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So squirting runs in the family.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
