I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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