New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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