Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
