We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am available for nakedness
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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