I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
