is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
