When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
