Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
God, I missed his penis.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
