It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
