I cockslap morals
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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