So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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