I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
