How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
