i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
