He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
