Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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