maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
