I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
