Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
