I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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