He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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