it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
