I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
