I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
