nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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