No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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