yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
