ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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