I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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