God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
