Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
