I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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